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Diego Velázquez’s “Las Meninas” (1656)

Current Location: El Museo Del Prado, Madrid

FACT OF THE DAY: Not everybody poops.

Tags: The Maids of Honour, Las Meninas, Velazquez, El Museo Del Prado, enigmatic composition, Everybody poops, not everybody poops, little girl, young bride, midgets, talking dogs, wedding, a highly self-conscious about their doodie, calculated demonstration of what painting could achieve, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter, The poop that defines the rest of my life.

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Diego Velázquez’s “Las Meninas” (1656)

Current Location: El Museo Del Prado, Madrid

FACT OF THE DAY: Not everybody poops.

Tags: The Maids of Honour, Las Meninas, Velazquez, El Museo Del Prado, enigmatic composition, Everybody poops, not everybody poops, little girl, young bride, midgets, talking dogs, wedding, a highly self-conscious about their doodie, calculated demonstration of what painting could achieve, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter, The poop that defines the rest of my life.

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Vincenzo Camuccini’s “The Death of Caesar” (1798)

Current Location: Museo Nazionale Di Capodimonte, Naples, Italy

FACT OF THE DAY: Caesar was filled with Roman candy, which actually tastes a lot like linguine in white clam sauce.  Not bad, but not exactly candy…

Tags: The Ides of March, Caesar pinata, Y Tu Brutus, Not cool bro Museo Nazionale Di Capodimonte, Naples, Italy, neoclassicism, Roman Empire in steep decline, When elections don’t work – daggers do, Shakespeare, Snickers, Twix, M&M’s, Butterfinger, Skittles, Starburst, Juicy Fruit, Kit-Kat, Mounds, York, Jelly Belly, Airheads, Reese’s Peanut Buttercups, Tic Tacs, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Titain’s “Bacchus and Ariadne” (1523)

Current Location: National Gallery of London, UK

FACT OF THE DAY: More than half of ancient Roman’s threw like girls…including Julius Caesar.

Tags: Titian, Bacchus, Ariadne,1523, National Gallery of London, UK, Throw like a girl, Victory of the Bacchus, Renaissance, wuss, weakly, girly man, Ode to a Nightingale, Go naked people, Red vs. Blue, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Kurt Vonnegut Jr.’s “Asshole” (1973)

Current Location: Breakfast of Champions

FACT OF THE DAY: When I was a freshman at Cornell I saw that there was a girl with the last name Vonnegut in the student directory. I called her up and said “Are you Kurt Vonnegut’s granddaughter???” and she said “Yes.” and I said “That’s soooo cool!” and then I hung up. I’m so cool.

Tags: Kurt Vonnegut, Asshole, Breakfast of Champions, Kilgore Trout, Dwayne Hoover, Eliot Rosewater, Rabo Karabekian, Almond Joy, Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Francisco de Goya’s “Saturn Devouring his Son” (1819)

Current Location: Museo del Prado, Madrid

FACT OF THE DAY:  There ain’t no bugs in bug juice, just like their ain’t no surprise in “camper surprise”

Tags: Goya, Museo de Prado, Saturn, Eat your children, Marinade them first, Kids are best served medium-rare, Cropsy, Bug Juice, Trail’s End, Tyler Hill, Starlight, Towanda, Weequahic, Timber Lake West, Bryn Mawr, Indian Head, Chen-a-Wanda, Equinunk/Blue Ridge, Birchmont, Danbee, Brant Lake, Camp Echo, Camp Lokanda, Camp Pontiac, Point O’ Pines, Canadensis, Kutshers Sports Academy, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Frans Hans‘ “The Laughing Cavalier” (1624)

Current Location: The Wallace Collection, London, UK

FACT OF THE DAY:  That hat was from the same store as the the one Mr. Arnolfini bought for his wedding.

Tags: Laughing Cavelier, Funny mustache, Something to tell mom and dad, coming out of the closet, tickling testes, gonads, red head, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Edward Robert Hughes‘ “Midsummer Eve” (1908)

Current Location: Private Collection

FACT OF THE DAY: Smurf Soup is quite easy to make and the perfect meal for a midsummer eve.

Tags: Edward Robert Hughes, Midsummer Eve, Dudes with two first names, Fairies, Tinkerbell, Forest creatures, Gargamel, Azreal, Smurfs, Soup ala Smurf, Big Mouth, Papa Smurf, Smurfette was kind of a slut, Smurf Village, Panic in Smurf Village, worse ways to go, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

A Very Smurfy Menu

The Recipe for Soup ala Smurf (or – the day Papa Smurf Went Mad”)

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Rene Magritte’s “Golconda” (1953)

Current Location: The Menil Collection, Houston, Texas

FACT OF THE DAY: “If you’re not going to look before you leap, wear a parachute.” – Bradley Werner

OTHER FACT OF THE DAY: The other Magritte you’re thinking of is “Son of Man” and can be found here.

Tags: Golconda, Magritte, Rene, Parachute, bowler cap, belgian surrealist, nice overcoat, it’s raining men, hallelujah, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Édouard Manet’s “Luncheon on the Grass” (1863)

Current Location: Musée d’Orsay in Paris

FACT OF THE DAY: If you even think of dating my little sister, I will punch you in the wiener.

Tags: Edouard Manet, Luncheon, Picnic, Park, Naked time, Le déjeuner sur l’herbe, Musée d’Orsay, Paris, Naked lunch, I’ll have what he’s having, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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John William Waterhouse’s “Hylas and the Nymphs” (1896)

Current Location: Manchester Art Gallery – Manchester, England

FACT OF THE DAY: Nymphs are great at math.

Tags: Hylas, Nymphs, Water sex, Orgy, Manchester Art Gallery – Manchester, England, You’ll probably get crabs, nice tunic, algebra rocks!, lily pad, not the most sanitary place to have an orgy, hylas should have stayed near hercules, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Pablo Picasso’s “Self Portrait (Blue Period)” (1901)

Current Location: Musee Picasso, Paris

FACT OF THE DAY:  That guy…the one sitting next to you…as well as the one on the subway this morning…and also, your dad…this is what they think about. Just a heads up.

Tags: Pablo Picasso, Self Portrait Blue Period, Communist, Stern, Confident, Goatee, What’s on your mind? Self-Portrait (porn period), Thinking about heiny, Asian Heiny that is, That belt just isn’t doing it’s job, No one knows for sure what was going on in Picasso’s brain, eyebrows, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Claude Monet’s “Water Lillies” (1914)

Current Location: National Museum of Western Art, Tokyo, Japan

FACT OF THE DAY: Being green is easy as hell man.

Tags: Water Lilies, Pond, Flies, Frogs, Kermit the Frog, Nature, Dinner Time, Buzz, Gulp, Yum, French Impressionism, landscape, National Museum of Western Art, Tokyo, Japan, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Mark Ryden’s “Meat Boy” (1998)

Current Location: Private Collection (Seth’s House)

FACT OF THE DAY: That young boy is me…and you…and anyone else who’s ever eaten (and enjoyed) a slice of meat-lovers pizza. The only way to tenderize one’s meat…is with tender, loving care.

Tags: Mark Ryden, Meat Boy, Steak, Porterhouse, NY Strip, A boy and his meat, Love, Don’t beat your meat, Tenderize your meat with tender love and care, child, young boy, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Howard Terpning’s “Grandfather Prays to Sun” (1974)

Current Location: Private Collection

FACT OF THE DAY: Native Americans, traditionally, weren’t the best negotiators.

Tags: Native Americans, American Indians, Northern Plains, Not great negotiators, Sun, Injuns, Peace Pipe, Pot, High-5, Shiny beads, Blankets, art kicks ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter

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Roy Lichtenstein’s “In a Car” (1963)

Current Location: The Walls of Artsy Chicks in College’s Everywhere

FACT OF THE DAY:  It’s dangerous…but worth it.

Tags: Lichtenstein, Car, Comics, Superman, Lois Lane, Secret Identity, Blue Hair, I’m Superman – now super-blow me,  Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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H.R. Giger’s “Birth Machine” (1967)

Current Location: Museum H.R. Giger, Gruyères, Switzerland

FACT OF THE DAY: Even if Manhattan was overrun by Aliens – real estate prices would still be ridiculous.

Tags: HR Giger, Birth Machine, Switzerland, Gruyeres, Bullets, Gun, Death, Penis, Semen, Metal, Aliens, Aliens 2: More Aliens, Manhattan Real Estate, Cramped in a small space, Craigslist, roommates, 2-bedroom, Jr. 4, Awesome goggles, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter, Kick Ass

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Piet Mondrian’s “Composition with Red, Yellow & Blue” (1921)

Current Location: Tate Gallery, London UK

FACT OF THE DAY:  A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of chess?

Tags: Tate Gallery. London, Dutch Painter, De Stijl, Theo van Doesburg, Non-Representational, Primary Colours, Tic Tac Toe, Joshua, You Can’t Win, Global Thermo-Nuclear War, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter, Kick Ass

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Diego Velazquez’s “Rokeby Venus” (1651)

Current Location: National Gallery, London, UK

FACT OF THE DAY: Mutant Babies need love too.

Tags: Diego Velazquez, Venus, Cupid, artistic beastiality, winged children, Rokeby Park, Yorkshire, National Art Collections Fund for the National Gallery, London, nude, women, gross, art kicks ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter

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John Collier’s “Lady Godiva” (1897)

Current Location: Herbert Art Gallery and Museum, United Kingdom

FACT OF THE DAY: You’ll never watch a woman horseback riding the same way again…

Tags: john collier, lady Godiva, Herbert Art Gallery and Museum, Coventry, peeping tom, horseback, bare back, gozangas, tush, naked horseriding, bouncing feels good, art kicks ass, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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