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Rembrandt Van Rinj‘s “Bathsheba at Her Bath” (1654)

Current Location: Musée du Louvre, Paris France

FACT OF THE DAY: Fad diets don’t work…over the long term.

Tags: Rembrandt, Bathsheba, King David, Adultery, bulimia works, Don’t Eat So F*cking Much, Make sure you wash behind your ears, AXE body spray, art speaks to me, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, animated masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Francisco de Zurbaran‘s “Saint Luke as a Painter before Christ on the Cross” (1635)

Current Location: Museo de Prado, Madrid, Espana

FACT OF THE DAY: It’s called “Angel Lust”

Tags: Francisco de Zurbaran, Saint Luke as a painter before christ on the cross, Museo del Prado, Somebody’s got a boner, YMCA!, Gimme a hug, Whatchya doin’? Oh, Just hangin’ around, nice diaper, Depends, sure I could take you down, but then you won’t learn anything, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Caravaggio‘s “The Incredulity of Saint Thomas” (1602)

Current Location: Sanssouci of Potsdam, Germany

FACT OF THE DAY: Complete the procedures and collect your fee, but don’t touch the sides or OPERATION!

Tags: Caravaggio, Baroque, Jesus, Christ, Saint Thomas, Very Incredulous, Poke my wound, squishy, squishy noises, don’t touch the sides or you won’t collect your pay, OPERATION! By Milton Bradley, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Tintoretto’s “The Discovery of St. Mark’s Body” (1548)

Current Location: The church of the Angeli, Murano

FACT OF THE DAY: Hanging religious art says a lot about the homeowner…as does hanging a corpse…

Tags: The Finding of St. Mark’s Body, Jacopo Comin, Venetian Renaissance, early Baroque, let the bodies hit the floor, someone should be using a leveler, before I hang any corpose I typically bronze it, just sayin’ , Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter

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Rembrandt’s “The Night Watch” (1642)

Current Location: Rijksmuseum

FACT OF THE DAY: The Dutch were totally cool with the gays…

Tags: Rembrandt, Amsterdam, Rijksmuseum, Baroque, night watch, lynch mob, black, jew, gypsy, chinaman, sasquatch, witch, robot, monster, giant ape, bill & ted, funny clothes, art kicks ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter

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Diego Velazquez‘ “The Temptation of St. Thomas Aquinas” (1632)

Current Location: Orihuela Cathedral Museum, Spain

FACT OF THE DAY: St. Thomas’ real temptation was checking Facebook and Twitter at work…just like you.

Tags: Diego Velazquez, St. Thomas Aquinas, Orihuela Cathedral Museum, Spain, Temptation, Angels, Prostitute, Facebook, Twitter, friends, Party, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter

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Diego Velázquez‘s “Las Meninas” (1656)

Current Location: El Museo Del Prado, Madrid

FACT OF THE DAY: Not everybody poops.

Tags: The Maids of Honour, Las Meninas, Velazquez, El Museo Del Prado, enigmatic composition, Everybody poops, not everybody poops, little girl, young bride, midgets, talking dogs, wedding, a highly self-conscious about their doodie, calculated demonstration of what painting could achieve, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter, The poop that defines the rest of my life.

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Frans Hans‘ “The Laughing Cavalier” (1624)

Current Location: The Wallace Collection, London, UK

FACT OF THE DAY:  That hat was from the same store as the the one Mr. Arnolfini bought for his wedding.

Tags: Laughing Cavelier, Funny mustache, Something to tell mom and dad, coming out of the closet, tickling testes, gonads, red head, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Diego Velazquez‘s “Rokeby Venus” (1651)

Current Location: National Gallery, London, UK

FACT OF THE DAY: Mutant Babies need love too.

Tags: Diego Velazquez, Venus, Cupid, artistic beastiality, winged children, Rokeby Park, Yorkshire, National Art Collections Fund for the National Gallery, London, nude, women, gross, art kicks ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter

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Rembrandt van Rijn‘s “Anatomy Less of Professor Nicholaes Tulp” (1632)

Current Location: The Hague, Mauritshuis

FACT OF THE DAY: It wasn’t until the late 1800′s that doctors discovered that putting the lime in the coconut would make you feel bettah!

Tags: Rembrandt, Amsterdam, Rijksmuseum, Baroque, Coconut, Harry Nilsson, Relieve this Bellyache, Put the lime in the coconut, Doctors, Surgery, Dead Guy, Drink ‘em both up, Medicine isn’t a science, Dr. Spaceman, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter, Kick Ass

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Caravaggio‘s “David with the Head of Goliath” (1609)

Current Location: Museo E Galleria Borghese

FACT OF THE DAY: The first Miller Time actually occured moments after David defeated Goliath.

Tags: Caravaggio, Baroque, David, Goliath, Biblical showdown, Decapitated, Miller Lite, Less Filling, Tastes Great, Famous Advertising, Nice togas, nipple are showing, dark, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter

Mini-Beheading:

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Jan van Eyck‘s “The Arnolfini Marriage” (1434)

Current Location: National Gallery of London, England

FACT OF THE DAY: Everyone loves big, stupid, black, mushroom hats.

Tags: Jan van Eyck, Arnolfini portrait wedding marriage, Giovanni di Nicolao Arnolfini and his wife, Hockney–Falco thesis, Knocked Up, Katherine Heigl, Seth Rogen, Judd Apatow, Paul Rudd, giant mushroom hat, National Gallery in London,  art kicks ass, famous art, masterpieces, artist

Mini-Arnolfini–>

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Diego Velazquez‘ “The Crucifixion” (1632)

Current Location: Museo Nacional del Prado, Madrid, Spain

FACT OF THE DAY: Whenever Santa beats his personal-best record for delivering presents, he thanks Jesus for givin’ him the strength to succeed.

Tags: Velazquez, Jesus Christ, The Crucifixion, Hanging around, When did Santa start showing up? What did Jesus want for the holidays?   Museo Nacional del Prado, Coca-cola, holiday season, Art Kicks Ass by Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painting.

Diego Velázquez‘ “Frying Eggs” (1618)

Current Location: National Gallery of Scotland, Edinburgh

FACT OF THE DAY: Brains, over-easy, with a side of bacon, are delicious.

Tags: Diego Velazquez, frying eggs, baroque, drugs, skull, grandma, tripping out, young boy, horrible breakfast, Madrid Spain,Damien Hirst Diamond Skull, For the Love of God, rijksmuseum, Art Kicks Ass – Bradley Werner, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter,

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Rembrandt Harmenszoon van Rijn‘s “Staalmeesters” (1662)

Current Location: Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam

FACT OF THE DAY:  Everyone f*cked Goody Proctor…

Interesting Note: The Worldwide Art Gallery has described this painting as Rembrandt’s “last great collective portrait”.

Tags: Rembrandt, Amsterdam, Rijksmuseum, Staalmeesters, The Sampling Officials, Syndics of the Drapers’ Guild, Dutch masters, Baroque, Oil on Canvass, Dutch, Goody Proctor, The Crucible, Funny Hats, , LOL, art kicks ass, famous art, masterpieces, artists, painter, Bradley Werner

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